What forever means

We often toss around the word forever. What it means to one, it may not to another. For my family, forever means something difficult to put into words.

Forever means finally falling sleep each night knowing our son will be our son forever, instead of falling asleep wondering if tomorrow or next week will be the last time we hold him.

Forever means our son has our last name. It means that my husband and I will forever have the same worries as any parent: will he grow to be a man of integrity, character, and compassion?

Forever means that a young woman made some incredible decisions in the midst of an unimaginable situation. It means our son’s birth mother is loved beyond reason.

Forever means I am mommy & my husband is daddy to the most amazing child, our son.

Forever means many years to come with love from grandparents, a great-grandmother, uncles and aunts, cousins, friends and a godmother.

Forever means no more: monthly social worker visits, permission forms to take him out of state, and odd looks at the doc when his last name differs from ours.

Forever also means writing “unknown” on family history sections of medical paperwork at the doctor.

It means knowing he is adopted and is loved by two mommies, birth and adoptive.

Forever means so much more than this and this mommy’s cup overflows wth joy. Adopting from foster care has been tough, but every tough moment is outweighed by the love and joy of our son, by sweet moments shared as a family, and by remembering that becoming a family didn’t happen by chance.

When I can’t build “that wall”

Before you get a placement, it’s easy to be theoretical. “I’ll love the child, but I’ll build a wall so I don’t get too attached.” “I’ll be a foster mom, not a real mom, so it won’t be hard.”

Not quite. The moment my husband took our foster child out of the car, I cried. It wasn’t a theoretical placement at that point anymore, it was a sweet, innocent child who was scared and had no idea who we were. For hours that first night he just stared. He shook. I cried. It was 2 hours later, when he finally made a noise. Then he laughed.

The next morning he was still trying to figure things out, but it didn’t take long for him to reach his arms out for me and want snuggles. His little joyful heart began to shine, and again, I cried, but because I was happy.

There’s no need for a prefix of “foster” before “mom.” I’m just mommy. I do everything a bio mommy does. I get kisses. I walk around with his slobber on my shirt all day. I wipe his little nose with my sleeve when a tissue isn’t nearby. I’ve been peed on (yes, keep it covered!). I’m who he cries for when he wants something. He falls asleep in my arms and lights up when he wakes and sees my face! I keep saying “I” but my amazing husband has done all this and more as well!

Speaking of my husband, I can’t explain how amazing it has been to meet “daddy.” I thought I knew everything about him, but it’s almost like meeting another part of him. I love it. I love when he comes in from work and both he and munchkin light up when they see each other! I love their sleepy time snuggles (husband’s favorite job!), I love watching him love our munchkin.

Back to that wall I was speaking of, there is no wall. How can there be when you answer every need a child has? People ask what will happen if he is reunited and leaves us-I will be broken. That’s a very real possibility, but it doesn’t make a difference in how we love him and care for him. I’ll love him forever. He needs love and he has it flowing abundantly with us and our family. He is spoiled and that’s okay! Most of all, he is loved and will forever know what it’s like to be loved by great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, mommy, and daddy.

Foster care is tough, guys. If not for Jesus we couldn’t do it. We are trying to make an eternal difference for our munchkin and that’s all we can do. I know some people talk about building “that wall” but I don’t know how. I really don’t care to build it. I don’t want anything in the way of showing this child all the love that exists in this world. So, no wall for us. And if the “what ifs” happen, we will rely on Jesus, family, and sweet friends.

Time for coffee. Xoxo

Waiting and Getting Our Feet Wet!

In honor of National Adoption Month and National Diabetes Month (via proclamation from President Obama, whoop whoop!) I feel like it’s my month! Oh ok, and it’s our 6lb peek-a-poo’s birthday, my birthday, and my husband’s birthday. Ergo, my month!

Waiting is the least fun part of the process. The paperwork, the home-study, the autobiographies…waiting takes the cake as worst. We worked so hard to get everything finished so quickly only to wait.

This has made me search deeper and grow more in Christ. It’s made me depend not only on my husband for strength, but on the peace that Jesus has for us. I know that He is good. I know that by being in the center of His will, our waiting is only a small piece of the puzzle.

We were able to do respite care last weekend (respite is basically temp care for the foster parents who have the child(ren) in their home). It was a wonderful experience and the kiddos were excellent. They broke me heart, I cried when they left (yes, only after 24 hours), they were a joy, and I am so grateful their current foster mother sends me pictures and keeps me updated.

We had craft time, went to the pumpkin patch, made dinner, made cookies, watched movies, colored with chalk, drew the world’s longest hopscotch, and did cartwheels (which I don’t recommend doing a front handspring if you haven’t done one in 10 years, just trust me, or don’t trust me and ice a pulled muscle for a week).

I can’t wait to see their journey end with permanency. It was great being a mommy for a weekend, now let’s make this thing happen for good!

Happy Sunday!

Small Group. Family. Friends. Support.

Support. I’ve mentioned the importance of it before, so I thought I would elaborate.

Small Group. My husband and I attend an amazing church where loving people is only second to loving Jesus. Because of its size, the importance of small groups (make a big church small by engaging in fellowship) is emphasized.
I’m in a small group with a group of young women all facing infertility and/or on an adoption journey. We text each other throughout the week, pray for needs and discernment, and lift each other up. We are all in different stages of adoption (from just considering to waiting on that baby!) and our journeys are different. One is waiting on a domestic infant adoption. We are waiting on a foster placement and hopefully an adoption through the foster system. Another is considering an international adoption. Our routes are different. Our routes are beautiful. I love these ladies and I am so happy to share our journeys with each other. Not to mention we get together every 2 weeks to drink coffee, eat dessert, and chat! Anything is possible with coffee and friends.

Family. From the beginning (both struggling to get pregnant and the official “we’re adopting” stage) my parents have been standing by our side. My dad even bought the first gift for our child before we even started the foster classes. When I created a wish list for myself, my mom found it online and bought a few essentials for us. It was the thoughtfulness behind her gifts that meant something, not the gifts, that revealed her excitement and support. She gets excited about stopping by and looking at anything new we put in the nursery. She tears when we talk about the future kiddo(s) we will adopt. It’s so good to have this.

My sister, brother, their spouses-they constantly asks us if we’ve heard anything or if we need anything. They pray over us. They cover us with love. They are ready to go to the store at 3 am for diapers and onesies if we get a call (or pull ups and t shirts if it’s a toddler). I see joy when they ask. I see love when offer. This kind of love can’t be replaced and this journey wouldn’t be the same without them.
Oh, and I love that my grandmother and I can have hour long chats about adoption. We have a special bond, as adoptive mamas. Adoption is in our blood 🙂

Friends. I have friends who are more like family. Like my family, they ask for updates. They ask what we need. They surprise with little happies. They make me cry because I realize I have some of the best friends in the world. I couldn’t do this without the love and caring hearts of my friends.

Online. This is the type of support I didn’t think would mean much. I was kidding myself. There’s a world of mommy bloggers (both experienced and non-experienced) with wise words. I have learned to look at things from a different perspective: words that hurt or bother me, discovering triggers and addressing them, or dealing with disappointment.

How can you support us? You can love us. You can pray for us. Pray for the child(ren) that will be placed with us. Talk to us! The random text messages make the days of waiting easier and more bearable, even random funny ones. Laughter is good for the soul.

Xoxo,
B

It’s Official! We are licensed foster & adoptive parents!

It’s here, it’s here! Today is the day we have become licensed foster and adoptive parents with our county DHR! It’s been a process and I’ve learned patience (that will be a necessity from here on out).

We turned in our initial application with DHR at the end of March, finished the training course at the end of July. Finished up the paperwork a few weeks later and just waited on our final approval.

We are blessed for the opportunity to love on local kids. It’s exciting! Now we wait for our first placement, which could come in 5 minutes or 5 months.

But it’s official and I am a happy wife and mom. Yes, I’m a momma to a sweet child (or children) in our county that I haven’t met yet. That feels good to finally say.

The Nursery

As we near the (hopefully) last home visit tomorrow as a part of our licensure as foster/adoptive parents, I am a bundle of nerves. Prayers are certainly appreciated! We finally put the crib up last night. I won’t lie, I cried as I laid the teddy bear my dad bought on crib. It’s real. It’s tangible. It’s empty.

The crib was certainly a labor as I am not meant for the furniture painting business. The story of the crib is dear to my heart. It was referred to me by a friend who saw it online. I met a sweet young woman in a parking lot to exchange a little cash for her used crib. The beauty of the story is that she was a former foster child herself, adopted as a teenager, and now the crib will be used by a foster/adoptive child in our home. I get teary eyed thinking how it has become full circle in a way.

As I stare at the gender-neutral bedding I fell in love with, on a crib that was stripped, sanded, primed, and painted by myself and my amazing hard-working husband-I pray that if it is just one child, or many, that each child that lay their head on the crib feel loved, safe, secure, and feel the loving arms of two parents who want the best for them.

I am anxious and excited. Nervous and happy. Fearful and trusting. I can’t ask for enough prayers and good vibes our way.

GPS Process: A Labor of Love

Preparing to foster and adopt through DHR is not without it’s fair share of paperwork. At a glance it was overwhelming, however our social worker has spread it out over our 10 week course which has made it very manageable.

Speaking of our social worker-I’ve heard horror stories in the past about them, however ours is amazing. She is passionate about the kids in our county and she goes out of her way to offer support to current and prospective foster and adoptive parents. Her heart is huge and you can tell her commitment to our county’s children the moment you meet her.

We have finished the 10 week GPS course-wow, it flew by! The biggest challenge was/is not the paperwork (still have a few things to finish up), it’s preparing our hearts and minds for potential situations our child could come from. It’s heartbreaking and scary, however we believe we are equipped with the knowledge and knowledge of resources to deal with some situations.

The first home study was informative and laid back-not scary. Because we don’t have children at the moment, our house is tidy, but she made sure we knew before she wasn’t coming to make sure our house was perfect-just a safe place for a child.

At this point, we have a CPR certification class next week, have some paperwork left and some safety gates to install, then we have our second home study and be licensed. This process has been eye-opening but NONE of the myths I heard about foster care/DHR are true. Well, they admitted waiting can be a while-but none of the “Russell will have to cut his steak with a butter knife because you have have real knives;” the “all the kids have terrible problems;” the “you can never have babysitters or go anywhere…” are all false. It’s kids. It’s kids that need a safe and loving place.

Support. Our family has been so amazingly supportive throughout this process. Asking us for updates weekly, what they can do for us, how can they help us prepare, but most of all-by reminding us that they are ready to love any child that walks through our door. That’s what’s made this process easier-knowing that my parents are ready to be Pops and Gigi, my siblings and their spouses are ready to by aunts and uncles, that my own grandparents are ready to be great grandparents, and my aunts and uncles are ready to assume their roles-all knowing a foster placement could be temporary or could turn into an adoptive placement AND this is all regardless of the race, ethnicity, gender, or age of a child that enters our home. That’s what love is. It’s unconditional.

Our county and state need foster and/or adoptive parents. If you have ever considered becoming a parent to a child, either temporarily or permanently, don’t let the myths of DHR scare you away. Attend an orientation meeting, open your heart and mind.

I am not broken

I am not broken.

Our journey to start our family began over a year ago. I was going to come off of birth control in June. I was hopefully going to be pregnant in a few months and we were going to be parents in the Spring. That was my plan. I had it all figured out. I went to all my doctors in early Spring to get the okays. OB said I was good to go. Endocrinologist said my blood sugars were excellent and I was one of his best patients. I even went the extra steps. I met with a nutritionist to be sure my pescatarian diet could sustain a healthy pregnancy. I got on an insulin pump and continuous glucose monitor just to be sure I had the tightest control possible. I started taking prenatal vitamins 4 months before I planned on stopping birth control. I had a fertility app on my phone. I had all my ducks in a row.

If anyone would get pregnant it would be me. I had everything planned. My mom was really fertile, wouldn’t I be too? June came and I took my last pill. Here we go. Let’s make a baby. Month after month went by. Maybe it just takes a while for the birth control to get out of my system. More months.

10 months later and I still was not pregnant. Month after month I dealt with extremely high blood sugars two weeks out of the month. I didn’t have these extreme highs while I was on the pill-but now I was heartbroken I wasn’t pregnant but I was also hurting. Physically and mentally. The high blood sugars made it difficult to concentrate and function. This certainly was not an environment to create a child in.

I felt broken. I knew my husband (Mr.D) felt bad for me. He was supportive. He held me and prayed over me the nights negative pregnancy tests showed up.

Adoption was something we planned on doing eventually, discussing it early on in our relationship. I have had a heart for orphans as long as I can remember. We had planned on having a biological child, then adopting down the road.

Back to month 10. I was having crazy high blood sugars, I felt awful and I needed help. My endocrinologist said that since I knew I felt better on birth control and had better (well, excellent) blood sugar control on it and that if we were okay pursuing an alternate road to parenthood, I should do what I thought would make me feel better. This was a relief. I was ready to feel better. I had the support of my doctor. Now I needed Mr.D on board-but I didn’t want to be pushy. I knew he knew adoption was an option, but I also knew of his desire to have biological child. God had to deal with his heart in His time.

Mr.D came home one afternoon after being quiet for a few days and I had gone to bed extremely early after dealing with high blood sugars the two nights before. He said he wanted to talk. He did not want to see me hurting month after month anymore. He knew there were other ways to become parents that did not put my body at risk for diabetes complications down the road. God had been dealing with him over the week and felt like we needed to look into adoption. There were things that had been making him hesitant, but then “something clicked” and he realized those things didn’t matter. He was going to be a dad and I was going to be a mom. We were going to become a family in the most beautiful way possible. We were going to give hope, life, and a future to child in need.

For some, the decision to adopt may come from a long road of infertility and sadness, but for us-it was the most logical next step. We weren’t going to go through tons of medical tests. Every month off birth control for me was another month of uncontrollable blood sugars, so back on the pill it was. This was not a sad decision for us. In fact, it was one of the most joyous decisions we have made.

What I realized was I am not broken. In fact, I am far more blessed than I could have imagined. God has chosen us to be light in a child’s dark world. Is there not a more beautiful way to become a mother? I do not know our child, though I pray over him or her daily. I do not know our child, but I am in love already.

We have chosen an unconventional route to become parents. We may wait 2 weeks or 2 years. We may get a child from foster care placed with us who will reunite with his or her birth family. We may get a child placed with us who will become ours. Regardless, we are blessed to have the opportunity to be a moment of stability for a child if only for a brief time or for forever.

God loved us first and gives us an abundance of grace daily. I am unworthy of the grace he gives, but I am grateful for it.

Favorite Amazon Finds (good products & good deals!)

Some favorite healthy finds (contains affiliate links)

24 Plain 1/3 oz. Roll-on Refillable Glass Perfume Bottles

Garden of Life Raw D3 (60 softgels)

Garden of Life Prenatal Raw (180 capsules)

Dr. Bronner’s Baby Mild Castile Soap (unscented so you can add your own essential oils!)

Mr. B.Rae’s favorite chewable vitamin C (Nature’s Plus)

Perfect Kale

When I am lazy, feeling the need for greens, am craving garlic and salt… I reach for my perfect kale!

Super Simple Perfect Kale:
Saute some onion and garlic in a little olive oil.
Toss in a bunch of kale (chopped with the stems removed)
Sea salt and Pepper
Voila! Wait until it cooks down and serve with brown rice, or on its own!

Asian Variation: Same as above, but leave out the salt and toss in a little low sodium soy sauce and switch out toasted sesame oil for the olive oil.

Tossed Kale Variation. This is a cold, raw version of my favorite kale!
One bunch of kale (chopped and stems removed), juice of 2 lemons, sea salt and pepper, and pumpkin or sunflower seeds for crunch. Done.