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When I can’t build “that wall”

Before you get a placement, it’s easy to be theoretical. “I’ll love the child, but I’ll build a wall so I don’t get too attached.” “I’ll be a foster mom, not a real mom, so it won’t be hard.”

Not quite. The moment my husband took our foster child out of the car, I cried. It wasn’t a theoretical placement at that point anymore, it was a sweet, innocent child who was scared and had no idea who we were. For hours that first night he just stared. He shook. I cried. It was 2 hours later, when he finally made a noise. Then he laughed.

The next morning he was still trying to figure things out, but it didn’t take long for him to reach his arms out for me and want snuggles. His little joyful heart began to shine, and again, I cried, but because I was happy.

There’s no need for a prefix of “foster” before “mom.” I’m just mommy. I do everything a bio mommy does. I get kisses. I walk around with his slobber on my shirt all day. I wipe his little nose with my sleeve when a tissue isn’t nearby. I’ve been peed on (yes, keep it covered!). I’m who he cries for when he wants something. He falls asleep in my arms and lights up when he wakes and sees my face! I keep saying “I” but my amazing husband has done all this and more as well!

Speaking of my husband, I can’t explain how amazing it has been to meet “daddy.” I thought I knew everything about him, but it’s almost like meeting another part of him. I love it. I love when he comes in from work and both he and munchkin light up when they see each other! I love their sleepy time snuggles (husband’s favorite job!), I love watching him love our munchkin.

Back to that wall I was speaking of, there is no wall. How can there be when you answer every need a child has? People ask what will happen if he is reunited and leaves us-I will be broken. That’s a very real possibility, but it doesn’t make a difference in how we love him and care for him. I’ll love him forever. He needs love and he has it flowing abundantly with us and our family. He is spoiled and that’s okay! Most of all, he is loved and will forever know what it’s like to be loved by great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, mommy, and daddy.

Foster care is tough, guys. If not for Jesus we couldn’t do it. We are trying to make an eternal difference for our munchkin and that’s all we can do. I know some people talk about building “that wall” but I don’t know how. I really don’t care to build it. I don’t want anything in the way of showing this child all the love that exists in this world. So, no wall for us. And if the “what ifs” happen, we will rely on Jesus, family, and sweet friends.

Time for coffee. Xoxo

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